Martha Beck’s essential self and social self, from Finding Your Own North Star
Martha Beck's book gives you a quick test for whether your life is pointed the right way.
Beck trained as a sociologist, with a doctorate from Harvard, and then worked for years as a life coach. This book, from 2001, is where she set out her best known idea.
Your essential self is the part you were born with. It wants things without checking whether it should. Your social self is everything you learned so you could get on with other people. Beck says you need both, with the essential self choosing the direction.
Beck on the two selves
A knowledge of that perfect life sits inside you just as the North Star sits in its unaltering spot.
I base all my counseling on the premise that each of us has these two sides: the essential self and the social self.
Your essential self wants passionately to become a doctor; the social self struggles through organic chemistry and applies to medical school.
You can try her example on a goal of your own and name which self wants it.
Her test, and the values exercise
If your life mostly feels like discontent, anxiety, frustration, boredom or numbness, the two selves are out of step.
The values exercise gives you somewhere to start. You keep every word you'd defend, then cut the list to three.
Try Values
We built Values into the free Astera workspace to go with this book. Your answers save as you go.
Try itThe book itself is Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck.
Questions
What does the North Star stand for?
The life you were meant to live.
Is the social self a bad thing?
No. Beck calls it a skilled servant.
Is this her first book?
No. Her memoir Expecting Adam came out in 1999, two years before this one.